What came in the mail today?

Anthrax.

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Where do ghosts mail their letters?

At the ghost office.

How do skunks like their e-mails?

Scent.

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What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

Why did the snowman smile?

Because the snowblower is coming.

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What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.