What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

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How does a blonde set the time on her alarm clock?

She waits until midnight and plugs it back in. Disclaimer: I know it's terrible, I was very young when I came up with it.

Who went into a witche's den and came out alive?

The witch!

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How do you confuse Pareto?

Tell him you belong to "the" 20%.

How do you know you put the right joke in the right thread?

Don't worry, someone will tell you.

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What playground equipment do kids hate the most?

The slide into poverty.

What do jedi hate the most?

Forced jokes.

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Why are doctors always calm?

They have a lot of patients. Sorry.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter

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What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What will the results of the next election be?

No one knows! The results were stolen from the Politburo just last night!

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What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright.

Why can't you give bad news to someone on the Moon?

It lacks gravity.

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What goes Black-White, Black-White, Black-White?

A panda bear rolling down a hill.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.