Bad News Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

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What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright.

Why can't you give bad news to someone on the Moon?

It lacks gravity.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

How's my cat, Doc?

Vet: I have good news and bad news..

What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

Why was the racehorse named Bad News?

Because bad news travels fast!

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Where do boats go when they're sick?

The Doc

How bad is it, doc?

Well, you'll never run again" So basically the same

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

He was stoned

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did the parrot say when he saw a duck?

Polly want a quacker!

Why shouldn't you ask if someone's a Texan?

Because if they are they'll tell you, and if they aren't you don't want to insult them.

Yesterday Jokes More Yesterday Jokes

What's the best way to see yesterday's front page?

9GAG

What would you call it if pigs were flying yesterday?

Swine flu

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

What do you call a bear in the rain?

A drizzly bear.

How are one out of three American Boats born?

By Sea-Section.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me".

What did the mother ghost tell the kid ghost when he went out to play?

Don't get your sheets dirty!

Travel Jokes More Travel Jokes

What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?

The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.

What famous hotel chain do muslims prefer when travelling on religious holidays?

Ramadamadan.

Result Jokes More Result Jokes

What is the best definition of irony?

Irony irne/ noun a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result.

Who is the brother of Juan Luna?

Edi si AnTWOnio Luna. Yeah yeah, the result of being stuck in the traffic.