Bad News Jokes

What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright.

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Why can't you give bad news to someone on the Moon?

It lacks gravity.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

Why was the racehorse named Bad News?

Because bad news travels fast!

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Result Jokes More Result Jokes

Who is the brother of Juan Luna?

Edi si AnTWOnio Luna. Yeah yeah, the result of being stuck in the traffic.

What two words result in the most marriages?

Screw it. EDIT: has a better answer

Lack Jokes More Lack Jokes

Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard George Michael will only play new songs at his concerts?

He found his lack of Faith disturbing.

Why did Shrodinger's girlfriend dump him?

Because she didn't like his lack of commitment

Adopt Jokes More Adopt Jokes

What do you call an adopted ghost?

Transparent

How many French words has the Turkish language recently adopted?

Beaucoup.

Bad News Bear Jokes More Bad News Bear Jokes

What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News?

A bad news bear

Patient Jokes More Patient Jokes

How much longer do I have doc?

Doctor: "Ten." Patient: "Ten what " Doctor: "Nine..."

Why was the doctor stressed?

He was losing his patients

Moon Jokes More Moon Jokes

Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon?

Because it was a full moon and there was no room.

Why does the sun set at night?

The moon scares the daylights out of it!

Fox News Jokes More Fox News Jokes

What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News?

A bad news bear

What about Fox News?

They haven't shown a fox in months. (Craig Ferguson)

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because Eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

What do you call a joke that only works written down instead of told orally?

A sic joke