What did the tree say to the mountain?

Stop peaking at me.

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Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why does the American Border Patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop Hispanic attacks.

How many NRA members does it take to stop a 6-year-old paraplegic from stealing a candy bar?

Nobody knows - they usually lose count at 800 rounds.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What do you call a big, dumb, slow guy who cuts down trees?

A lumbering oaf.

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

It was dead.

Peak Jokes More Peak Jokes

What does a noise musician order at a Chinese restaurant?

Peaking duck!

What's worse than peaking in high school?

Climaxing to middle schoolers.

Mountain Jokes More Mountain Jokes

What do you call 13 dwarves and a hobbit inside a mountain?

A *smaugasbord*.

Why are the mountains in Switzerland called "the Alps"?

Because when people fall off of 'em, they yell AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLPPPP!!!!!!!!