Salad Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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What is a blonde's favorite vegetable?

Salad

Why did the tomato blush?

It saw the salad dressing

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

Why did the lettuce blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing

What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

A salad-manager

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What did the salad wearing a tuxedo say?

I feel a bit overdressed.

What dressing would you like on your salad?

Me: Ice cream

What is Shaun Morgan's favorite food?

Seether salad

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What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife?

Ceasar

What did the salad say as it was thrown into jail?

Lettuce Go!

How do you make a chicken salad?

Make a salad and give it to a chicken.

What kind of lizard goes into salad?

A Salad-Mander!

Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?

Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno.

Why are so many people obese these days?

Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99

Why did the tomato turned red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

Why did the salad cross the road?

To get away from the PETA convention.

What does Popeye use to toss his salad?

Olive Oil.

Why did the cabbage whistle?

Because it saw the salad dressing

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What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?

It became a daddy short legs!

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

I have no ideer.

Why did the teacher have trouble controlling her pupils?

She was cross eyed.

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What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?

Reality.

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

Lettuce Jokes More Lettuce Jokes

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

Because they're inbred

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did Adele say when asked where her dog is?

Groomer has it

Why are criminals so good at basketball?

They shoot first and ask questions later.

Person Jokes More Person Jokes

What do you call a person who knows 3 languages?

Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language American.

What do you call a person with no nose or body?

Nobody nose!

Hen Jokes More Hen Jokes

How do hens encourage their football teams?

They egg them on!

Why was the hen banned from sending e-mails?

She was always using fowl language.

Lunch Jokes More Lunch Jokes

How do you ask a tyrannosaur out to lunch?

Tea, Rex?

What did the cannibal have for lunch?

Baked beings (beans).

Health Jokes More Health Jokes

What bee is good for your health?

Vitamin bee!