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What does an unfunny person tell a salad?

Teach me senpai!

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How do you fit 10 Amish in a VW Beetle?

Tell them you are going to the livestock auction

What does that tell you?

4-year-old: I won.

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Why are so many people obese these days?

Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99

What dressing would you like on your salad?

Me: Ice cream

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If I had to guess the religion of Daniel Day Lewis...

I would probably say Methodist.

What does a networking robot say when returning from the bathroom?

Sorry, I http

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Why did the hippy teach the lumberjack calculus?

So he'd use natural logs!

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?

Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'