What does an unfunny person tell a salad?

Teach me senpai!

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How do you tell an astronaut where they're going?

Straight up.

How do you congratulate the guy who won the best tie contest?

You tell him... "that's definitely a win sir". Or if he did ok you can say you half win sir i suppose.

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What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

Why did the cabbage whistle?

Because it saw the salad dressing

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What kind of currency do they use in space?

Starbucks

How to go indigenous.... http://m.youtube.com/watch?

V=b1jklUhG1y8

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What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

To boldly split infinitives!

What happens when a professor teaches for a decade?

He gets Tenyear.