Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing...

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

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What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

For disturbing the peas!

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What is the most common disease for lettuce?

Icebergers

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

Because they're inbred

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable?

Just cos.

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What is a Honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

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Epileptic Jokes More Epileptic Jokes

What do you can an epileptic What do you call an epileptic in a garden?

Seizure salad. edit: fixed the word 'call'

What do you call an epileptic in a deck chair?

A transformer.

Spanish Jokes More Spanish Jokes

What did the Spanish musician say when he went fishing?

Castanets!

What did the Spanish guidance counselor tell his students?

You have to have gooooooaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllssssssssss!!!!!

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

What's the best kind of vegetable to bring to a party?

A turn up

Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

Because they're meteor

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What did the Chinese billionaire say after buying the deer with no eyes?

I have no Idea.

Don't look at the eclipse through a colander.

You'll strain your eyes.

Scrabble Jokes More Scrabble Jokes

Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you make a Welsh person comfortable while playing Scrabble?

Remove the vowels in his rack.

Octopus Jokes More Octopus Jokes

What did the angry octopus say to the octopus that made him mad?

POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW Right in the kisser!

Why are you baking octopus?

So I can get octopi.

Pray Jokes More Pray Jokes

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What position does the pig play in football?

Loinback.

What did Caesar say when playing battleship?

A2 Brute.