Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing...

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

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What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

For disturbing the peas!

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What is the most common disease for lettuce?

Icebergers

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

Because they're inbred

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable?

Just cos.

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What is a Honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

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Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

Why did a Mexican girl get pregnant?

She was told to do an essay in school.

What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake?

Get off me, homes.

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

What do you call it when a vegetable suffers heart failure?

A hearti*choke*....

What do vegetable do when they got robbed?

They dont.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why is a violin difficult to play?

Because it is fiddly!

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?

Lets go play on our bikes.

Hen Jokes More Hen Jokes

Why do hens sit on eggs?

Because they're too poor to afford chairs.

What did the hen say to his bar pals?

Let's get some chicks!

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Who run the world?

Generally people who have at least a basic understanding of grammar.

Why couldn't the auction house find any buyers for the Celtic artifact?

It was completely runed.

Priest Jokes More Priest Jokes

How do you ask a priest to hand you the spaghetti?

Pasta pasta, pasta.

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

Bacon Jokes More Bacon Jokes

What's green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What will you have, Sir?

Bacon my day, sonny!" Sorry/notsorry - it's how my mind works

Bowl Jokes More Bowl Jokes

Why was the man intently watching the bowl of snickers?

He wanted to see who would have the last laugh. back to work...

How do you get 100 babies into a bowl?

A blender. How do you get them out Tortilla chips