Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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How do you make a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing...

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

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Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

For disturbing the peas!

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What is the most common disease for lettuce?

Icebergers

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

Because they're inbred

What sweetie?

Tell who what! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable?

Just cos.

What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

What is a Honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

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What did the vegetable say to the dj?

Lettuce turnip the beet

Which part of a vegetable is the hardest to chew?

The wheelchair

Stare Jokes More Stare Jokes

What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why was the doctor in a hurry to move to the big city?

He was running out of patients.

What did the dolphin say when he ran into the sea turtle?

Sorry, I didn't do it on porpoise.

Pray Jokes More Pray Jokes

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What do you get if you play a country music song backwards?

You get your wife back. Your house back. Your truck back. Your dog back...

What's w/the ice pack?

12: I have a headache. Me: Do you think it's a good idea to play video games if you have a headache 12: Yes.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How many controlled oposition does it take to change a light bulb?

None you know of. Since they signed a Non Disclosure Agreement to not talk about it.

What's the difference between a statesman and a politician?

A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?

The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?

Now, I tweet them

Church Jokes More Church Jokes

Where do Tie Fighters sit in church?

In the *pew*.

What did the Skunk say at Church?

Let us spray