Vegetable Jokes

What did the vegetable say to the dj?

Lettuce turnip the beet

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Which part of a vegetable is the hardest to chew?

The wheelchair

What's the hardest part of a vegetable?

The Wheelchair

What do you get when you cross a vegetable with a pronoun?

Beets me.

Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

Because they're meteor

What do root vegetables do at tha club?

Turnip

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

What do you call a vegetable that's only kinda cool?

Radish

What is the only inedible part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair

What do vegetables say when they go to party's?

TURNUP!

Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?

Because his parents are vegetables.

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What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

What vegetable was on the badge in the cab?

A CABBAGE!

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea

What does a greengrocer weigh?

Vegetables.

Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk?

Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

What is the hardest part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair. sorry

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What do you call a vegetable that always stays outside?

An un-in.

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How many vegetables should you pull out of the ground in one day?

None

What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?

What's tomato with you!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What did the carrot say when the last vegetable arrived at the party?

TURNIP

Where do geneticists store vegetables?

In the CRISPR drawer

What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?

Leeks

What did Michael Jackson say to the Vegetables?

Just beet it

Who's the biggest celebrity in the Vegetable world?

Ocra Winfrey

Why were all the other vegetables afraid of celery?

Because celery stalks

What do you call it when a vegetable suffers heart failure?

A hearti*choke*....

What's the best kind of vegetable to bring to a party?

A turn up

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What letter is like a vegetable?

The letter P.

What vegetable likes to party?

A turn-up

What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?

I don't really carrot all for vegetables.

What's the hardest part to cook in a vegetable?

The wheelchair

What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with Vegetables?

Mrs Hawking

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

That's where you wash all your vegetables!

What vegetable needs a plumber?

A leek.

What do vegetable do when they got robbed?

They dont.

What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable?

A common tater!

Why can't a vegetable win an argument?

Cuz he always uses a straw, man!

Why don't the Beastie Boys juggle vegetables anymore?

Because they kept making the beets... MMMMMM DROPPPPP

What do vegetables that go to college do on the weekends?

They Turnip

Why did the vegetables invite the mushroom to their party?

They heard he was a fungi

What type of vegetable is only kinda awesome?

A radish

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What do you call a veterinarian that can only work on one animal?

A doctor.

What animal spins around about 200 times after it dies?

A rotisserie chicken

Soviet Onion Jokes More Soviet Onion Jokes

Which country has the most crying people per km?

The Soviet Onion

What do communists put in their soup?

Soviet Onions.

Turnip Jokes More Turnip Jokes

What did the collard green do when his favorite song came on the radio?

He got turnip

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

Salad Jokes More Salad Jokes

What kind of lizard goes into salad?

A Salad-Mander!

What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

A salad-manager

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What's the term for when the pool breaks during water birth?

A midwife crisis.

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

Carrot Jokes More Carrot Jokes

What did the rabbit say to the carrot?

It's been nice gnawing you.

What did one Snowman say to the other Snowman?

Can you smell carrot?

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What do you call a group of crows?

The end of season 5.

What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?

Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

The guy likes his power chords too much.

What did the guy from Northern Canada have to say about the place?

He wanted Nunavut.