Vegetable Jokes

What did the vegetable say to the dj?

Lettuce turnip the beet

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Which part of a vegetable isn't edible?

His wheelchair.

Which part of a vegetable is the hardest to chew?

The wheelchair

What's the hardest part of a vegetable?

The Wheelchair

How do you know when your vegetables are boiled?

Their wheelchair floats to the top.

What do you get when you cross a vegetable with a pronoun?

Beets me.

Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

Because they're meteor

What part of the vegetable can you not put in a mixer?

The wheelchair

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

Because it only ate vegetables.

What do root vegetables do at tha club?

Turnip

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

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How do you turn fruits into vegetables?

Drive a bus through a pride parade

What do you get when you have Tiger Woods, Stephen Hawking, and Dwayne Johnson in the same room?

An Animal, a Vegetable, and a Mineral.

What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking

What do you call a vegetable that's only kinda cool?

Radish

What's the difference between a potato and a vegetable...?

Not knowing how to use a coathanger...

What is the best kind of vegetable?

The one in the wheelchair.

What is the only inedible part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair

What do vegetables say when they go to party's?

TURNUP!

Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?

Because his parents are vegetables.

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?

A fruit doesn't need a wheelchair

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What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Jeffrey Dahmer!

What vegetable was on the badge in the cab?

A CABBAGE!

What is both a fruit and a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea

What does a greengrocer weigh?

Vegetables.

What do vegetables watch when they're feeling frisky?

Cornography

What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

They both can be used to carry vegetables....

Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk?

Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

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What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge?

One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.

Why is Mike Pence magic?

He can turn fruits to vegetables

What is the hardest part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair. sorry

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

Why did the vegetables hop into the boiling pot of water?

They were part of a stewicide pact.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What do you call a vegetable that always stays outside?

An un-in.

Why is the retirement center nicknamed "the garden"?

Because it is full of vegetables.

How many vegetables should you pull out of the ground in one day?

None

What is the worst thing about farming vegetables?

The wheelchairs are too expensive.

What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?

What's tomato with you!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What's the difference between a special needs worker and a gardener?

One of them has to water their vegetables

What did the carrot say when the last vegetable arrived at the party?

TURNIP

What do you do when you are done with the vegetables?

You put them back in the wheelchair

Where do geneticists store vegetables?

In the CRISPR drawer

What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?

Leeks

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

What did Michael Jackson say to the Vegetables?

Just beet it

What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable?

Mrs Hawking

Who's the biggest celebrity in the Vegetable world?

Ocra Winfrey

Why were all the other vegetables afraid of celery?

Because celery stalks

What do you call it when a vegetable suffers heart failure?

A hearti*choke*....

What's the best kind of vegetable to bring to a party?

A turn up

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What letter is like a vegetable?

The letter P.

What vegetable likes to party?

A turn-up

What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?

I don't really carrot all for vegetables.

What's the worst type of vegetable to bring on a boat?

Grandpa.

What should you do before cooking the vegetables?

Remove the wheelchair

What's the hardest part to cook in a vegetable?

The wheelchair

What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with Vegetables?

Mrs Hawking

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

That's where you wash all your vegetables!

What vegetable needs a plumber?

A leek.

What did Dahmer do when he finished his vegetables?

He threw away their wheelchairs!

What do vegetable do when they got robbed?

They dont.

What's the hardest part of washing a vegetable?

Putting them back in the wheelchair

What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable?

A common tater!

Why can't a vegetable win an argument?

Cuz he always uses a straw, man!

Why don't the Beastie Boys juggle vegetables anymore?

Because they kept making the beets... MMMMMM DROPPPPP

Why do kids hate Steven Hawking?

They don't like their vegetables.

What do vegetables that go to college do on the weekends?

They Turnip

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

Why did the vegetables invite the mushroom to their party?

They heard he was a fungi

What type of vegetable is only kinda awesome?

A radish

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A Carrot.

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

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How do you get three drunk, rowdy Canadians out of a pool?

Ask them to get out of the pool.

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What do Greek teenagers say?

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What has 3 thumbs and was born near a nuclear power plant?

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How many people does it take to screw a lightbulb?

Just one guy with a really weird fetish.

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Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War?

Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!

Why did the Soviets decide to be Russian?

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