Dress Jokes

What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator?

Close the door! I'm dressing!

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What did the jalapeno dress up as for Halloween?

A Ghost Pepper.

What's the difference between a well dressed bicyclist and a poorly dressed unicyclist?

Attire.

What do you call a gnome who dresses nice?

A metronome!

Why did the surgeon refuse to dress for work?

He didn't want no scrubs

Why did the tomato blush?

It saw the salad dressing

What do you call a lobster dressed up as Santa?

Santa Claws

What do ghosts dress up as for Halloween?

As John Cena because you can't see them.

What gas is best dressed at a dinner party?

Formaldehyde

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing...

Why are almost all brides dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the washing machine

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Which kind of sharply dressed, tiny dwarves make the best drummers?

Metro gnomes

What do you get when you dress The Hulk in Captain America's clothes?

A Star-Spangled Banner.

What did the mayonnaise say to the man opening the fridge door?

Don't look. I'm dressing.

What did one tonsil say to the other?

Get dressed a doctor is taking us out to night.

What do you call Kanye dressed as Kermit?

I don't know, but it's not Yeezy being green.

Why did the model pee herself?

She was all dressed up with no place to go!

Why shouldn't you look at a cup of ranch?

Because it's still dressing.

What do you call an incredibly well-dressed punk?

The Speaker of the House

Why did the lettuce blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

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What do you call a monkey in a suit?

Over-dressed!

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

A-tyre

What's the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What's the difference between a formally-dressed man riding a unicycle and a casually-dressed man riding a bicycle?

Attire.

What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire

What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a dully dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man one bicycle?

A tire.

What's the difference between a hobo on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

A tyre (attire)

What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire

What do you call a dress that refuses to learn?

Clothes-minded.

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What dressing would you like on your salad?

Me: Ice cream

What do you call a WordPress website that dresses up like another type of website?

DruPal

Why should you avoid people dressed as celery?

They could be stalking you!

Why do we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue?

Because they can't dress themselves.

What do you call a plumb in a frock?

A damson in this dress.

Which fish dresses the best?

The Swordfish - It always looks sharp!

Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?

They could get chapped lips!

Why are wedding dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the stove.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

Why don't Bond villains feel cold in the winter?

Because they dress in lairs.

Why does the Fonz dress up as an insect when going on a journey?

Because he wants to get from ayy to bee.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to dress up as famous composers for Halloween?

I'll be Bach

Why did the tomato turned red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What's big and hairy and climbs up the Empire State Building in a dress?

Queen Kong.

Why did the cabbage whistle?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What do you call it when someone admits to caring about how they dress?

A confashion.

What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a handsomely dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for Halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

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What does a Soldier and a Shoulder have in common?

They have access to arms.

How much does automail cost?

An arm and a leg.

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Freudian Slip Jokes More Freudian Slip Jokes

What did Anna Freud let her underwear show?

It was a Freudian slip

What is a Freudian slip?

A Freudian slip is when someone says one thing when thinking of amother.

Supreme Court Jokes More Supreme Court Jokes

Why was the hamster a bad Supreme Court Justice?

Because his mind was always on a pellet.

What if George Lucas was the new Supreme Court justice?

Lucas gets indicted after video surfaces of him tampering with previous decisions he made.

Freudian Jokes More Freudian Jokes

What did Anna Freud let her underwear show?

It was a Freudian slip

What is it called when you sleep talk about your subconscious feelings?

A Freudian Sleep.

French Jokes More French Jokes

What game do French schoolchildren like to play?

Simon 16

What's the difference between In-n-Out Burger French fries and League of Legends?

I can control my salt intake at In-n-out.

Whiskey Jokes More Whiskey Jokes

What does a cynical Irishman drink?

Whiskey sour

What about the two old ladies who brought a bottle of whiskey to the baseball game?

At the bottom of the fifth the bags were loaded.

Tire Jokes More Tire Jokes

How many maple leafs does it take to change a tire?

Only 1, unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up

What does a tire made of potatoes have?

An inner tuber.