Dress Jokes

What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator?

Close the door! I'm dressing!

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What did the jalapeno dress up as for Halloween?

A Ghost Pepper.

What's the difference between a well dressed bicyclist and a poorly dressed unicyclist?

Attire.

What do you call a gnome who dresses nice?

A metronome!

Why did the surgeon refuse to dress for work?

He didn't want no scrubs

Why do Muslims love shopping at Ross?

Because they can dress foreless.

Why did the tomato blush?

It saw the salad dressing

What do you call a lobster dressed up as Santa?

Santa Claws

Why don't women like to wear dresses in the winter?

Chapped lips

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

What do ghosts dress up as for Halloween?

As John Cena because you can't see them.

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What do you call it when the robot from Futurama gets in a minor car accident while wearing a dress?

A gender bender Bender fender bender.

What gas is best dressed at a dinner party?

Formaldehyde

What do you call a robot dressed in drag?

A transition metal.

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing...

What did Wiz Khalifa say when he was asked his opinion on the dress?

Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is.

Why are almost all brides dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the washing machine

Which kind of sharply dressed, tiny dwarves make the best drummers?

Metro gnomes

What do you get when you dress The Hulk in Captain America's clothes?

A Star-Spangled Banner.

What did the mayonnaise say to the man opening the fridge door?

Don't look. I'm dressing.

What did one tonsil say to the other?

Get dressed a doctor is taking us out to night.

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What do you call Kanye dressed as Kermit?

I don't know, but it's not Yeezy being green.

Why did the model pee herself?

She was all dressed up with no place to go!

Why shouldn't you look at a cup of ranch?

Because it's still dressing.

What do you call an incredibly well-dressed punk?

The Speaker of the House

Why did the lettuce blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What do you call a monkey in a suit?

Over-dressed!

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

A-tyre

What's the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

How'd you catch it?

Me:*flashes back to being dressed as girl stingray* You know, the regular way.

What's the difference between a formally-dressed man riding a unicycle and a casually-dressed man riding a bicycle?

Attire.

How can we stop ISIS?

EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress!

What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire

What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a dully dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

How did I get up here again?

This is fun, I'm fun. I'm dressed up like a bat.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man one bicycle?

A tire.

What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire

What do you call a dress that refuses to learn?

Clothes-minded.

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What dressing would you like on your salad?

Me: Ice cream

What do you call a WordPress website that dresses up like another type of website?

DruPal

Why should you avoid people dressed as celery?

They could be stalking you!

Why do we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue?

Because they can't dress themselves.

What do you call a plumb in a frock?

A damson in this dress.

Which fish dresses the best?

The Swordfish - It always looks sharp!

What's black and blue and red all over?

The dress

Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?

They could get chapped lips!

Why are wedding dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the stove.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

Why don't Bond villains feel cold in the winter?

Because they dress in lairs.

Why does the Fonz dress up as an insect when going on a journey?

Because he wants to get from ayy to bee.

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to dress up as famous composers for Halloween?

I'll be Bach

Why did the tomato turned red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What's big and hairy and climbs up the Empire State Building in a dress?

Queen Kong.

Why did the cabbage whistle?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What do you call it when someone admits to caring about how they dress?

A confashion.

What's the difference between my wife and the dress?

The dress is white and gold

What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a handsomely dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for Halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

X-post from r/bicycling Attire

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What do you call a crew of handsome Italian astronauts?

Fine specimens.

What do you call a semi truck owned by an Italian?

That rig a Tonys.

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Why should you always knock before opening the refrigerator?

Because there might be an Italian dressing.

What did the Italian dressing say to the French dressing?

Nothing. Dressings don't have arms

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Why couldn't the bike stand up on its own?

It was two-tired. *Slaps knee* *Prosthetic leg falls off*

What do mormons and tweakers have in common?

They both ride bikes and are on a mission.

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Why do we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue?

Because they can't dress themselves.

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Why did the girl walk past her crush twice?

He didn't believe in love at first sight.

What would she do for $20?

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Why could the French man not count to four?

He could not get past the tree!

How do French poodles greet each other?

Bone-jour.

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Why did Freud hurt his shoulder?

He made a Freudian slip

What is a Freudian slip?

A Freudian slip is when someone says one thing when thinking of amother.