What should I wear?

Mr. Salad asks. She replies, "It doesn't matter to me, just be well dressed."

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Why did the groom ask his bride to wear white?

Because he wanted his dishwasher to match the fridge and stove

When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, "So, what did she say?

I'm funny that way.

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What does a lawyer wear to work?

A law-suit

Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed?

So he wouldn't talk in his sleep

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What's the matter with him?

Nothing. He's a positron.

Why can't you trust anything MATTER says?

Because it makes up everything.

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What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife?

Ceasar

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What's he like?

Asked the police officer sympathetically. The boy replied, "Beer and women."

What would your parents say if I called them?

I replied, "Hello "