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How do you get your wife to listen to every word without interrupting?

Talk in your sleep.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

What did Wilford Brimley say to his wife when he found out she was pregnant?

You have diafetus

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on?

Stop talking in secret code.

How many dub-step artists does it take to clean a bathtub?

100. One to actually clean it, and 99 to talk about how dirty it is.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

Whats the best part about sleeping with a midget?

You're sure to get a little head

Why did the European businessman sleep on the streets?

To avoid a hostel takeover.

Interrupt Jokes More Interrupt Jokes

What do you call a president who interrupts people?

Donald Tr- WRONG!

How do you interrupt a vegans dinner?

Just turn on the sprinkler.

Listen Jokes More Listen Jokes

Why do we have to listen to a 45 second instructional to leave someone a voice mail?

Beep, talk. We get it, condescending cell companies.

What type of music do they listen to in the Czech Republic?

Prague Rock.

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

Why use words you don't understand in your tweets?

It just makes you look photosynthesis.

What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him?

Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?