How do you get your wife to listen to every word without interrupting?

Talk in your sleep.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What happens if you play a country song backward?

You get your house back, your dog back, your wife back, and you sober up.

Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What should you do when people talk behind your back?

Fart

What did one coconut say to the other?

Oh my god a talking coconut!

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

Why couldn't Luke get any sleep?

Because the Force Awakens

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty, will I be rich?

Here's what she said to me: GO TO SLEEP.

Interrupt Jokes More Interrupt Jokes

Why did the interrupting cow cross the road?

MOOOOOO!!!!

Why does the CPU never get any work done?

Because it gets interrupted constantly.

Listen Jokes More Listen Jokes

Who do fish listen to when they want to hear some dubstep?

Krillex.

Why do so many people listen to Taylor Swift songs after a breakup?

Because they were tailor made for it.

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

What two words have thousands of letters in them?

Post office.

What do you call a hurtful play on words?

A Punjab.