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Listen Jokes

What do Greeks use to listen to music?

Spartify

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What do mummies like to listen to on Halloween?

Wrap music

What kind of music do wind turbines listen to?

They're huge metal fans.

Why did the hipster only listen to dead musicians?

So he could say he listened to them when they were underground.

Which band does rockclimbers listen to?

Rolling Stones

Which composer do lumberjacks prefer to listen to?

Chopin

What type of music does the Easter Bunny listen to?

Hip-Hop!

What do dolphins like to listen to?

Podcasts.

What song does Freddy Krueger listen to when he gets a manicure?

I got Kniiiiiives on it! that inspired the joke.

What does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Sleigh-er

What's the best music to listen to while stoned?

Rock.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

Why did Gandalf never listen to the song "Dream Police"?

Because he was no conjurer of Cheap Trick

Why does noone listen ever to the guy who talks with his mouth full?

He is so misunderstood.

Why don't North Koreans listen to funk?

Cos they've got no Seoul! Thank you very much.

Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?

You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)

What music is good to listen to while having a snack?

8 a bit music.

What did the robot say to the gas pump?

Take your finger out of your ear and listen to me!" I saw this in a Highlights magazine when I was a kid.

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Listening to an antijoke.

What kid of music do old people listen to?

Hip-Pop

What do all battered women have in common?

In a frustrated voice) They just don't listen.

What did the man do after listening to a Pink Floyd album for two hours?

Skip to the next track

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

Why do people on acid listen to Dubstep?

Because if they didn't drop the base it would be a neutral reaction and they wouldn't feel the psychedelic effects.

What did Goku say when he heard his wife listening to the song, "Fancy"?

Aye, Chi-Chi, Why?

What does a blonde woman is doing with her ear bonded to the wall?

Listening.

Who do fish listen to when they want to hear some dubstep?

Krillex.

What do you say when a Canadian won't listen to you?

He'll have Nunavut

What branch of government actually listens to the people?

What branch of government actually listens to the people?

How to blind parachutist know they're close to the ground?

The feel the leash go slack! (heard this one while listening to some Irish tunes)

Why can hipsters listen to Michael Jackson again?

He's been underground for five years now.

What type of music do Irish people listen to?

Pubstep

How can you tell a cow isn't listening to you?

Everything you say goes in one ear and out the udder!

Love

Love

What did the stoner drop when he listened to dubstep?

Salt.

How does Lil Wayne get inspiration for his new music?

He listens to his old music.

What kind of music does a factory worker listen to?

Industrial Metal

What kind of music do rabbits listen to?

HIP HOP

Why parents don't allow their children to listen to M. Jackson songs?

Because they are very touching

What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

How do you get your wife to listen to every word without interrupting?

Talk in your sleep.

What type of music do they listen to in the Czech Republic?

Prague Rock.

Why does pooping get more intense while you're listening to music?

Because it's logarythmic.

What exactly had the "NOW That's What I Call Music!" guy been listening to before?

Sound FX CDs Whale noises

What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla?

Nobody is sure but if it opened its mouth to speak you'd listen!

Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher pig?

Because he was an old boar.

What music do dyslexic programmers listen to?

Run/CMD

Why would no one listen to the percussion section?

Because they couldn't drum up enough support.

Why do ducks nod their head when they walk?

They're listening to duckstep!

What do cats listen to during their free time?

They listen to podcats.

Why did the stool not listen to the stepladder?

Because it wasn't his real dad

What did she say?

Jim: I dunno. I never listened!

Why is Def leppard the best band to listen to while driving?

Because you only need one arm to drum along..

Why does Daenerys Targaryen listen to Hoagy Carmichael?

Because she's got Jorah on Her Mind.

What are you reading?

Pupil: I dunno! Teacher: But you're reading aloud! Pupil: But I'm not listening!

How many verses did the Prophet Muhammad write?

Allah-t. Thanks for listening.

What does Jean Valjean use to listen to music?

Cosettes.

What do cows like to listen to?

Moo-sic!

How do you listen to Taylor Swift and N.W.A one after the other?

Make a mixed tape.

How many times we need to tell you that she died?

Man: It pleases me to listen that she died.

What kind of music do chiropractors listen to?

Hip-pop.

How does ISIS listen to its favourite tunes?

On a boombox.

What do you call a rabbit in a beanie and listening to vinyl?

A Hopster.

How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods?

Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!

What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to?

Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one.

How do you identify a vegan?

Listen closely.

Whoa- is that Elvis?

Angel- no, it's an impersonator M: Wow, is that... A: listen man all we got is impersonators

What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?

Anything you like they're not listening to you anyway.

What do you call the James Brown songs no one listens to?

Defunct funk.

What kind of music do sponges listen to?

Raggaeneration.

Why do we have to listen to a 45 second instructional to leave someone a voice mail?

Beep, talk. We get it, condescending cell companies.

What music does a mummy listen to?

Wrap music

What kind of music do cows listen to?

Dadjoke) MOOOOOsic.

What does a hiker love to listen to?

A trail mix!

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

Why did the parasite listen to the clock?

Because it liked the tick talk.

How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft?

When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No

Who's there! Alice! Alice who?

Alice N. Tew if you'll listen to me!

What type of music do lightning bolts listen to?

Rock and Roll

What kind of music does a rubber duck listen to?

Rub-a-dubstep!

Why do so many people listen to Taylor Swift songs after a breakup?

Because they were tailor made for it.

How do ghost listen to music?

With a bootooth

What could you bring to this company?

Me: Well I guess I could bring my stereo, but I get to choose what we listen to.

What do you call it when you have to listen to rock music obsessively?

OC/DC

What kind of music do planets listen to?

Nep-tunes.

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Stone Jokes More Stone Jokes

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

What happens when you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

Wrap Music Jokes More Wrap Music Jokes

What music does a mummy listen to?

Wrap music

What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

Greek Jokes More Greek Jokes

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary?

Danke schon.

Why did the Greek philosopher break in two?

He was made out of Plato

Mummy Jokes More Mummy Jokes

Why did the Mummy go to the bathroom?

To wrap itself in toilet paper!

How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath?

Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel wet the soap and flood the bathroom.

Manicure Jokes More Manicure Jokes

What song does Freddy Krueger listen to when he gets a manicure?

I got Kniiiiiives on it! that inspired the joke.

Why doesn't Jesus enjoy manicures or pedicures?

Because they always try to mess with his nails.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of environment do hobbits live in?

A hobbitat

What kind of doctors are like spiders?

Spin doctors!

Composer Jokes More Composer Jokes

What happened when the composer got angry?

He flew off the Handel

What did Schwarzenegger say when deciding which composer to be for Halloween?

I'll be Bach.

Government Jokes More Government Jokes

What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?

One of them is organized.

What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality?

Gets arrested*