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What did the IT guy say to his wife after she complained about their love life?

Did you try turning me off and on again?

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What do you think of my tweets?

Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say Wife: You're consistent.

What is the difference between the deflate gate controversy and my wife?

Only one shows an interest in the balls.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What's the similarity between Bruce Jenner and a Pharaoh?

At some point they turned into Mummys

Where are the kids?

Me *turns around and goes back out*

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

Why are you studying your Easter candy?

I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What has two arms and 14 legs?

Guy who collects legs.

What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day?

He always came on time.

Complain Jokes More Complain Jokes

How is life in North Korea?

I wrote to my North Korean pen pal "I can't complain" he wrote back.

What's life like in North Korea?

Oh, I can't complain.

Love Life Jokes More Love Life Jokes

How's your love life?

Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.

What's dark, empty and going no where fast?

Your love life.