What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the husband tell his wife to do after he slapped her?

The same thing he told her the first time!

Why couldn't the guy with insomnia have an affair with anyone's wife?

Because he couldn't sleep with anyone.

Kiss Jokes More Kiss Jokes

What's an Australian Kiss?

A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*

How do thieves kiss?

They make out like bandits.

Valentine Day Jokes More Valentine Day Jokes

What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?

I'm stuck on you!

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?

Hog and kisses!

Rug Jokes More Rug Jokes

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

How does Spongebob cut a rug?

With a square Dance!

Valentine Jokes More Valentine Jokes

How to Skrillex sign his Valentine's Day cards?

I wub wub wub you....

What's in a name?

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. But, if roses were called "herpes" they'd make terrible Valentine's Day gifts.