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What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you control your anger?

WIFE: I clean the toilet.... HUSBAND:How does that help WIFE: I use your toothbrush.

What was the last thing Robin Williams said to his wife?

You go on to bed, I'm just going to hang here a while.

Kiss Jokes More Kiss Jokes

What do you get when you kiss a canary?

Chirpes. It can't be tweeted because it's a canarial disease.

What do you get when you kiss a bird?

Chirpies. It's a Canarial Disease. It's Untweetable!

Valentine Day Jokes More Valentine Day Jokes

How do single people honor Valentine's Day?

By Celibating!

Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day?

To the Moooovies

Rug Jokes More Rug Jokes

How does SpongeBob cut a rug?

With a square Dance!

Why are there rugs in front of the stove and the sink?

So women know where to stand in the kitchen.

Valentine Jokes More Valentine Jokes

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's Day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?

Because you always heart the one you love.