What do you tell a women with a black eye?

Nothing, you already told her once.

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How do you tell the difference between members of the GOP and ISIS?

Skin color.

How can you tell a mortician is a necrophiliac?

He's always HARD at work.

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What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do?

Wrong.

What do all battered women have in common?

In a frustrated voice) They just don't listen.

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What do you tell your wife with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

What do you tell a women with a black eye?

Nothing, you already told her once.