What do you tell your wife with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

This joke may have profanity.
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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How many pull-ups can you do?

Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses Me: Almost 1.

When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?

When I do her hair: "How about a hat "

Black Eye Jokes More Black Eye Jokes

What do you say to a girl with a black eye?

Nothing. You already told her.

What do you say to a woman with one black eye?

Nothing, you've already told her.