Church Jokes

What do you call it when Batman skips church..?

Christian Bale.

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Why do chickens go to church?

To get to the other side

What's it called when Batman walks out of church?

Christian Bale Hah

What happened to the guy who farted in church?

He sat in his own pew.

Why did the melons get married in a church?

Because they cantaloupe.

What is the difference between a girl in a church, and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in the church has hope in her soul, and the girl In the bathtub has soap in her hole.

Why won't you ever see an ant walk in a church?

They're insects.

Why aren't ants going to church?

Because they are in sects.

Why do Storm Troopers like churchs?

Cuz of all the pews. I hate myself

Why is it forbidden for ants to go in a church?

They are in-sects

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

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Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are insects.

Where did the amino acid go to church?

The cysteine chapel.

Why do people say amen instead of awomen at church?

Because they sing hymns, not hers.

Why did the dolphin go to church?

He was looking for a porpoise. (thought this one up but I doubt I was the first one that did.)

Why is it never hot in churches?

Because it's prayer conditioned. I'll leave now....

What does Mortal Kombat and a church in Helsinki have in common?

Finnish Hymn!

What does a blind person read in church?

Holy Braille

What is the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in church has hope in her soul

Why did Batman leave church?

Because Christian Baled

What do you call a whirlpool in a church?

Holy water!

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What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub?

The lady in church has hope in her soul.

Why did the duck get kicked out of church?

Because he was using fowl language!

Why did the dog go into the church?

The doors were open.

What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it.

Why are there so many old people in Church?

They're cramming for the final.

What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church?

The woman in church has hope in her soul.

What's the difference between a church bell &amp a church?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

Where do Tie Fighters sit in church?

In the *pew*.

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

What do Canadians say after a prayer in church?

Eh-men

Why do churches ban Wifi Networks?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible connection that actually works.

What do you call a Batman that leaves church early?

A Christian bail

What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church?

Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

Why don't bees go to church?

Because they are in sects.

What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire?

Holy smoke!

Why do you never see any bugs in a church?

Because they are in sects.

What did the decorators say when they went to church?

Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!

What did the priest say about consorting with the sisters of the church?

Nun is better!

Why Didn't Batman Go To Church?

Because of Christian Bail

What do churches and guns have in common?

They both go PEW PEW PEW

What Happens when you fart in church?

You sit in your own pew

Why did the skeleton burp in the church?

He didn't have the guts to fart

What do flies do at church?

Flyspray

What do you call a book club that hasn't changed their book in a thousand years?

Church

Why do the say "Amen" in church but not "Awoman?

Because they sing hymns, not hers!*

Why didn't John Travolta go to church on Sunday?

He had a Saturday Night Fever

Why do churches ban Wi-Fi?

Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists

Why are churches never broke?

Because Jesus saves.

What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?

The girl in church has her soul full of hope...

What's the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...

Why did the melon get married in a church?

Because he was in love with a cantaloupe.

What did the Skunk say at Church?

Let us spray

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

What did the deer first say when he got to church?

Deer God, please forgive me of my sins.

What do you call Batman if he leaves church?

Christian bail.

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Soul Jokes More Soul Jokes

What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church?

Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.

What did the Devil say to the being that sold its soul to him?

Nice doing business with you!

Church Bell Peal Jokes More Church Bell Peal Jokes

What's the difference between a church bell & a politician?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

What's the difference between a church bell &amp a politician?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

Invisible Power Jokes More Invisible Power Jokes

Why do churches ban Wi-Fi?

Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in dirt and then cross the road again?

Because he was a dirty double crosser!

What brand of shoes do chickens wear?

Reebok bok bok

Christian Bale Jokes More Christian Bale Jokes

What is it called when Batman leaves church early?

Christian Bale.

What is it called when Batman leaves church?

Christian Bale...

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Why did the philanthropist learn how to subtract?

Because he wanted to make a difference. My first original, time for open mic!

What is the difference between confident and confidential?

Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential."

Hope Jokes More Hope Jokes

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?

I don't know but you'd better hope he likes it!

What do horses hope for on election day?

A stable economy

Percent Jokes More Percent Jokes

What type of milk does Mitt Romney use with his cereal?

The one percent

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.