Church Jokes

What do you call it when Batman skips church..?

Christian Bale.

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Why do chickens go to church?

To get to the other side

What's it called when Batman walks out of church?

Christian Bale Hah

What's the difference between a church and a mosque?

In a church you see pew, pew pew. In a mosque you hear pew pew pew.

What happened to the guy who farted in church?

He sat in his own pew.

How does Seth Macfarlane wishes you Eid Mubarrak?

Keep it in church, guys.

Why do you need to take notes during jokes?

Joke was supposed to be this: Why do you need to take notes during church? because the peoples of noah's day, "took no note".

Why did the melons get married in a church?

Because they cantaloupe.

What is the difference between a girl in a church, and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in the church has hope in her soul, and the girl In the bathtub has soap in her hole.

Why won't you ever see an ant walk in a church?

They're insects.

Why aren't ants going to church?

Because they are in sects.

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Why do Storm Troopers like churchs?

Cuz of all the pews. I hate myself

Why is it forbidden for ants to go in a church?

They are in-sects

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

What does it sound like when two churches fight?

Pew Pew PEWPEWPEW!!!

Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are insects.

Where did the amino acid go to church?

The cysteine chapel.

What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

Why do people say amen instead of awomen at church?

Because they sing hymns, not hers.

Why did the dolphin go to church?

He was looking for a porpoise. (thought this one up but I doubt I was the first one that did.)

Why is it never hot in churches?

Because it's prayer conditioned. I'll leave now....

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What's the difference between a woman coming out of church and a woman taking a bath?

The woman coming out of church as hope in her soul!

What does Mortal Kombat and a church in Helsinki have in common?

Finnish Hymn!

Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church?

He was invited to thunday math.

What does a blind person read in church?

Holy Braille

Why don't churches, synagogues, mosques and temples have Wi-Fi?

Because religions don't like competing with an invisible power that actually works.

What's the difference between a church bell & a church?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

Why did Batman leave church?

Because Christian Baled

How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding?

Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.

What do you call a whirlpool in a church?

Holy water!

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

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What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub?

The lady in church has hope in her soul.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

Why did the duck get kicked out of church?

Because he was using fowl language!

Why do you never see a church with free Wi-Fi?

Because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

Why did the atheist go to church?

To use the Pokestop.

Why did the dog go into the church?

The doors were open.

What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it.

Why are there so many old people in Church?

They're cramming for the final.

What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church?

The woman in church has hope in her soul.

What's the difference between a church bell &amp a church?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

Where do Tie Fighters sit in church?

In the *pew*.

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

What church do hypocrites belong to?

All of them.

What do Canadians say after a prayer in church?

Eh-men

Why do churches ban Wifi Networks?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible connection that actually works.

What do you call a Batman that leaves church early?

A Christian bail

What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church?

Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

Why don't bees go to church?

Because they are in sects.

What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire?

Holy smoke!

Why do you never see any bugs in a church?

Because they are in sects.

What did the decorators say when they went to church?

Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!

What did the priest say about consorting with the sisters of the church?

Nun is better!

Why Didn't Batman Go To Church?

Because of Christian Bail

What do churches and guns have in common?

They both go PEW PEW PEW

What Happens when you fart in church?

You sit in your own pew

What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church?

A holey Bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.

Why did the skeleton burp in the church?

He didn't have the guts to fart

What do you call a pregnant nun who cycles to church everyday?

No seriously, a friend asked me this and I didn't know.

What do flies do at church?

Flyspray

What do you call a book club that hasn't changed their book in a thousand years?

Church

Why do the say "Amen" in church but not "Awoman?

Because they sing hymns, not hers!*

Why didn't John Travolta go to church on Sunday?

He had a Saturday Night Fever

What do you call a tweaker (meth addict) who goes to church?

A Crystal Methodist.

Why do churches ban Wi-Fi?

Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists

Why are churches never broke?

Because Jesus saves.

What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?

The girl in church has her soul full of hope...

What's the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...

Why did the melon get married in a church?

Because he was in love with a cantaloupe.

What did the Skunk say at Church?

Let us spray

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Why did the blonde go to church?

B/c she heard there was a guy hung like this(https://riverchurchtelford.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus.jpg)

What did the deer first say when he got to church?

Deer God, please forgive me of my sins.

What do you call Batman if he leaves church?

Christian bail.

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Christian Bale Jokes More Christian Bale Jokes

What is it called when Batman abandons Gotham city?

Christian Bale.

What's it called when Batman doesn't go to church?

Christian BALE!

Mosque Jokes More Mosque Jokes

Why don't churches, synagogues, mosques and temples have Wi-Fi?

Because religions don't like competing with an invisible power that actually works.

What's the difference between a church and a mosque?

In a church you see pew, pew pew. In a mosque you hear pew pew pew.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What does a mathematician deal with when finished their work?

The aftermath

Why is it hard to work at an apple pie factory?

They have such a high turnover rate.

Bubble Bath Jokes More Bubble Bath Jokes

What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?

The girl in church has her soul full of hope...

What dog loves to take bubble baths?

A shampoodle!

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What do you call a French human delicacy?

Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking French vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink French vodka.

Why did the Kurd bury his music collection?

His tribesman said "ISIL is approaching, and they're coming for Yazidis."

Skip Jokes More Skip Jokes

What do you call a movie about a low-magnitude Iron ion that skips school?

Ferrous Bueller's Day Off

How are women and rocks alike?

You skip across the flat ones.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What do redditors and litterers have in common?

I'm just gonna leave this here.

What did the wife say as she left her Mexican husband?

I'm sorry but I love another Juan.

Soul Jokes More Soul Jokes

What's the difference between a Nun and a lady taking a bath?

The Nun has hope in her soul and the lady taking a bath has soap in her hole.

How do you hit those high notes?

Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me Adam Levine: Practice.