Why don't women wear watches?

Because there's a perfectly good clock on the stove

This joke may have profanity.
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What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire?

Bernadette!

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The ATM

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Oher's NFL career

Where is the remote?

All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."

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To keep her head warm.

Why don't witches wear underpants?

To get a better grip on the broom

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How many men does it take to make popcorn?

Four one to hold the pot and three to act macho and shake the stove.

Why are there rugs in front of the stove and the sink?

So women know where to stand in the kitchen.