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When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

How do you know it's going to be a white Christmas?

It's approaching with deceptive speed.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What's the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick?

Asking for my two year old.

How do you tell the difference between a computer scientist and an aspiring music artist?

Ask them what 'unsigned' means.

Couple Jokes More Couple Jokes

How can a room full of couples be empty?

There isn't a single person left!

Why did the couple bring a melon to their honeymoon?

Because they cantaloupe...

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

What about a nice cream pie?

She asked. "Except that." I replied.

How about an autograph mate?

Sure." He replied. So I signed a photo print of myself and gave it to him.

Little Boy Jokes More Little Boy Jokes

What did the little boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened them yet.

How does a Priest find a little boy in the woods?

Very exciting

Marriage Jokes More Marriage Jokes

What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage?

A degree in law.

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

Mum Jokes More Mum Jokes

What's the difference between starlings and swallows?

Your mum doesn't starlings.

Why are you crying Ted?

Asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'