Couple Jokes

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

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How long does it take for a Homeless man's stomach to be full?

A couple of seconds.

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish.

What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?

A couple of weeks

What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

What do they do with Tickle-Me-Elmo's before he leaves the factory?

Give him a couple of test-tickles.

What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?

Parents.

What do you call a couple, who are both in wheelchairs?

A pair of polegics!

How do you make soup from a computer?

It's easy just throw in a couple of Boolean cubes.

How can a room full of couples be empty?

There isn't a single person left!

How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants?

Two dam bad! (OC!)

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How many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They can't, it'd be much too cramped. How would they even get in there in the first place?

How many cats does it take for a woman to qualify as a "crazy cat lady?

None. Just a couple of youtube cat videos.

How much did Harambe drink in the bar?

Just a couple of shots

What do you call a couple of ones and zeros orbiting around each other?

Binary stars.

What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?

Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

What do you call a Christian who fell down the stairs?

A couple of steps closer to their final destination.

What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods?

Trail micks.

Why are men better cooks than women?

Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.

What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water?

Jockey and Jill!

Why did the couple bring a melon to their honeymoon?

Because they cantaloupe...

How can you tell if a girl is ticklish?

Give her a couple of test tickles...

What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones?

Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

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Spark Jokes More Spark Jokes

How cute does someone have to be for sparks to fly?

Electro

Why were the welder and stoner such good friends?

They both love to spark up joints.

Wow Jokes More Wow Jokes

How many WoW devs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Doesn't matter. They'll just nerf darkness next patch instead.

Why didn't the monk sell his temple?

Thought of this one on my own while playing WoW a couple days ago and I'm pretty sure it hasn't been told before. I like corny jokes. I Googled it and didn't find anything (:

Stork Jokes More Stork Jokes

What do you call a stork that doesn't bring babies?

A swallow

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What is the difference between me and being artistic?

The second letter.

What's worse?

Receiving a text from your girlfriend saying that you're breaking up or receiving a second text after saying that it was supposed to be for someone else

Deliver Jokes More Deliver Jokes

Why did OP get fired from his job as a mailman?

He never delivered.

Why was Marc Antony still interested in Cleopatra even when she's just had a baby?

Because it was delivered via Ceasarion section

Google Jokes More Google Jokes

What are you doing, dad?

Filing taxes... LOLJK... I'm googling "non-extraditable countries". Pack your bags, kid! We're going to Libya!"

Why didn't the monk sell his temple?

Thought of this one on my own while playing WoW a couple days ago and I'm pretty sure it hasn't been told before. I like corny jokes. I Googled it and didn't find anything (:

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

Why did a surgeon go to prison?

His medical license was doctored.

Why, doc?

And the doctor replies, "Because I'm examining you!"

M Jokes More M Jokes

What do you call Squidward when he gives DNA results for a living?

You call 'im Maury.

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no