Couple Jokes

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

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How long does it take for a Homeless man's stomach to be full?

A couple of seconds.

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish.

What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?

A couple of weeks

What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

What do they do with Tickle-Me-Elmo's before he leaves the factory?

Give him a couple of test-tickles.

How do you make soup from a computer?

It's easy just throw in a couple of Boolean cubes.

How can a room full of couples be empty?

There isn't a single person left!

How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants?

Two dam bad! (OC!)

How many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They can't, it'd be much too cramped. How would they even get in there in the first place?

How much did Harambe drink in the bar?

Just a couple of shots

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What do you call a couple of ones and zeros orbiting around each other?

Binary stars.

What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?

Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water?

Jockey and Jill!

Why did the couple bring a melon to their honeymoon?

Because they cantaloupe...

What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones?

Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

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Relate Jokes More Relate Jokes

How are bears related to cooking?

The pan... duh

How are UFO's related to hamburgers?

Both are Unidentified Frying Objects!

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What did one doctor say to the other doctor?

We're both doctors

Why is an apple a Dalek's favourite fruit?

Because it keeps the Doctor away!

Gas Station Jokes More Gas Station Jokes

What do you call a family that runs a gas station?

Pump kin.

What do you call a gas station that sells crabs?

A crustacean.

Sorry Mate Jokes More Sorry Mate Jokes

What do you say when your opponent resigns after you take their queen?

Sorry mate.

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What's worse than finding Astroglide on your Mom's shopping list?

Finding an empty bottle in the trash.

Why couldn't the auction house find any buyers for the Celtic artifact?

It was completely runed.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why didn't the dog want to play football?

It was a boxer!

Why should you never play Uno with a foreigner?

Because they will always steal the green cards.

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

How do Chinese name their kids?

They throw silverware on the ground!

Why didn't King Kong go to Hong Kong?

He didn't like Chinese food.

Corny Joke Jokes More Corny Joke Jokes

What is a Squirrels favorite joke?

A-corny joke.

Why didn't the monk sell his temple?

Thought of this one on my own while playing WoW a couple days ago and I'm pretty sure it hasn't been told before. I like corny jokes. I Googled it and didn't find anything (: