What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

Can I hold your hand hand hand hand?

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How many Google plus users does it take to change a lightbulb?

All of them actually. Two to hold the ladder and one to change the lightbulb.

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mother - I mean light bulb!