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What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?

I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...

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Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago?

Because 'Illinois you!

Why did the dog jump into the sea?

He wanted to chase the catfish!

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What is the most important use for cowhide?

To hold the cow together.

Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.

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How do you make a snooker table laugh?

Put your hands in its pockets & tickle its balls.

What does the torch represent in the hand of the Statue of Liberty?

The torch is a symbol of her inability to read in the dark.