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What's 16 centimetres long and makes every girl happy?

A 500 bill.

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Why would I be mad?

Girls who are mad

Why does a girl who uses chewing tobacco give the best head?

Because she's knows what to spit and what to swallow.

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What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute?

My cat would be dead before I got 50

What do you call it when a waiter at an internet cafe gets your order wrong?

500 Internal Server Error