What's the matter?

I asked. "I've got the big C,"he said. "What, cancer " "No, dyslexia."

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How much credibility is there in that whole "you can punch yourself handsome" theory?

Asking for a friend.

When someone ask me... How are you?

I answer back... You mean in bed

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What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears

What's the difference between a sandwich and a baby?

Doesn't matter, they both taste the same.