How much credibility is there in that whole "you can punch yourself handsome" theory?

Asking for a friend.

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How was the beach?

You hang ten or what " No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation

How many 1st AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why are you asking me that question Can't you see I'm busy!

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What is the difference between confident and confidential?

Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential.

Why was the candle mad at his friend?

He blew him off.

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What does a feminist get when she can't afford a punching bag?

A boyfriend.

What do you call it when a horse punches you really hard?

A neigh-maker