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When someone says "It is what it is," I reply, "Isn't it?

So we can both sound useless.

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What do schizophrenic people think when they say an insensitive joke?

That sounded a lot better in my head

Why is Princess Peach named after a fruit and Princess Daisy named after a flower?

Because wanting to sound good is their OBJECTion

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Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!!

Why the long pause?

Asks the bartender. The bear replies "Well, I am a bear"