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Where does Dracula buy his writing supplies?

Pencilvania.

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Why the hell did you buy a buffalo?

Me: I'd rather have a buffalo and not need it than need a buffalo and not have it.

Why did the poor art collector only buy miniature paintings?

He wanted more Monet in his wallet.

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What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?

Best vicious of the season

What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail?

The world's slowest vampire.