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Who takes the best selfies in LA?

I need someone good to do mine.

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What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu?

For swine flu you need "Oinkment", for bird flu you need "Tweetment".

How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Hell you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

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How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb?

Six. One to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.

How long does it take a monkey to fly a plane from LA to New York?

About 6 hours.