Why can't there be some sort of mathematic formula for making friends?

A squadratic formula, if you will.

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Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends...?

Because he's married.

What's it like to have a social life?

Asking for a friend.

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What sort of animals make the best TV presenters?

Gnus - readers!

What did Humpty Dumpty say to his girlfriend when she said they were breaking up?

Is this some sort of yolk