Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA?

Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

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Who succeeded the first President of the USA?

The second one!

What evil do the USA and Darth Vader have in common?

Using imperial units.

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What traumatic event lead to you not believing in god?

Me: oh, um, science.

How to make your God proud?

By abusing his names in other languages.