How do you make any woman wet?

Liquor

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What do you call a women with one leg?

Ilene

What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?

They don't work out.

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When drinking liquor while watching baseball, at what point will you be the most drunk?

Bottom of the fifth, of course.

How much liquor does it take before you start telling racist jokes?

For me, it's about three fifths.