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How does James Bond type e-mails?

With his goldfinger.

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What did Sandy Hook elementary get in the mail instead of new books?

Empty Magazines.

Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens?

Because she wanted to mail a litter.

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Who is James Bond's favorite bartender?

Michael J Fox

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.