James Bond Jokes

Who is James Bond's favorite bartender?

Michael J Fox

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Why does James Bond like Michael J Fox?

Because he always gets his martini shaken, not stirred.

How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women?

Shaven, not furred

Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox?

He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini.

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

What do you call James Bond in the bathtub?

Bubble-0-7

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout?

I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name?

Worst. Spy. Ever.

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

How does James Bond type e-mails?

With his goldfinger.

What type of car does James Bond drive?

00-Sedan

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How does James Bond sleep?

Around.

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Bond Jokes More Bond Jokes

What's the difference between men and government bonds?

Bonds mature.

Who's there! Bond! Bond who?

Bond to succeed!

Earthquake Jokes More Earthquake Jokes

What did the Earth say to the Earthquake?

Sorry...that was my fault.

Whose fault is it that California always has earthquakes?

San Andreas fault.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G spot?

A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What snooker and women have in common?

When pink is blocked by red, you hit the brown.

How do we know God is not a woman?

Because the Earth is not a sandwich!

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What's the name of Michael J Fox's dry-cleaner?

Park and Sons. /Park en sons/ http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t57/Thomzilla/Fazed/michaeljfoxshakennotstirred.gif

How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved?

Dude,I already did my time.

Shaken Jokes More Shaken Jokes

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout?

I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."

What did the musician say when he went back in time?

I'll be Bach.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What is the definition of a good farmer?

A man outstanding in his field.

What did the man in the wheelchair say when he returned the hat he borrowed?

Thanks for the handy cap.