James Bond Jokes

Who is James Bond's favorite bartender?

Michael J Fox

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Why did James Bond higher a man with Parkinson's to be his butler?

He likes his drinks shaken, not stirred.

Why does James Bond like Michael J Fox?

Because he always gets his martini shaken, not stirred.

How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women?

Shaven, not furred

Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox?

He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini.

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

What do you call James Bond in the bathtub?

Bubble-0-7

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout?

I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name?

Worst. Spy. Ever.

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

How does James Bond type e-mails?

With his goldfinger.

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What type of car does James Bond drive?

00-Sedan

How does James Bond sleep?

Around.

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Stir Jokes More Stir Jokes

How do you stir up the politics in a Coca Cola drink?

You add ices.

What's the hardest part of making monster soup?

Stirring it.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Where are you and Mom going tonight?

Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you?

An ATM machine

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.

Why, Prince Stephen?

Son: Because you call me "Prince S" King: Haha yeah that never gets old

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why did you stop your car get out and yell "coward" at the traffic signal?

Motorist: The light just turned yellow.

What is a Car in the U.S.?

A mode of transportation.

Mail Jokes More Mail Jokes

What is Anthony Weiner's favorite type of mail?

Junk mail

What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire?

That he needed to address the situation

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What animal is best at playing hide and seek?

The airplane.

What's the worst part about admitting to your friends and family you play PokemanGo?

Having to admit you have autism:,P

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

Why did the fire fighter call off work to spend time with his friend?

Because...bros before hose!

Why are burglars such good tennis players?

Because they spend such a lot of their time in courts!

Bad Guy Jokes More Bad Guy Jokes

What type of bonds deals with the bad guys?

James

Who'll he fight?

The same bad guys! Billion dollar film franchise.