James Bond Jokes

Who is James Bond's favorite bartender?

Michael J Fox

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Why does James Bond like Michael J Fox?

Because he always gets his martini shaken, not stirred.

How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women?

Shaven, not furred

Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox?

He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini.

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

What do you call James Bond in the bathtub?

Bubble-0-7

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout?

I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name?

Worst. Spy. Ever.

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

How does James Bond type e-mails?

With his goldfinger.

What type of car does James Bond drive?

00-Sedan

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How does James Bond sleep?

Around.

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Stir Jokes More Stir Jokes

Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof?

Because he wanted to feel his oats!

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

Type Jokes More Type Jokes

What type of train can a ginger not ride?

A soul train

How did the date go?

Not good. Aww what went wrong -*thinks back to accidentally popping a zit into her soup* She just wasn't my type.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if a girl is under 18?

Ask her if she is a Bernie Sanders supporter.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?

There's whiteout on the screen.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him?

Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.

How long does 8 sleep for?

Forever.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why does toilet paper need a commercial?

Who is not buying this

Why did Yoda need a stepladder in the chocolate shop?

Because he was reaching for a galaxy far, far away.

Calculator Jokes More Calculator Jokes

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

What do you call a James Bond film about a calculator?

Casio royale

Bond Jokes More Bond Jokes

What are the loneliest elements?

The noble gases, because they can't form bonds

What do you call a bottle of glue in a spy's pocket?

A bonding agent.

Bad Guy Jokes More Bad Guy Jokes

Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art?

Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming "stay away from me!"

Why does the Illuminati have to be the bad guy all the time?

Why can't they just be the Illuminice?