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Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

Who ever said time cannot be bought?

I bought some thyme yesterday.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What did Santa Clause say when he came down Lindsay Lohan's chimney and found her spending Christmas Eve with her pals Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton?

Ho, ho, ho!

What do you want for your birthday this year?

Vanessa: I want a divorce! Kobe: I wasn't planning on spending that much this year. Here's another ring.

Sheet Jokes More Sheet Jokes

How can you tell if a ghost is about to faint?

He gets pale as a sheet.

Why was the ghost late to the Halloween party?

He had to take a sheet.

Kleptomaniac Jokes More Kleptomaniac Jokes

What do you call someone who takes everything literally?

A kleptomaniac!

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand puns?

They always take things literally.

Bed Bath Jokes More Bed Bath Jokes

Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

Where'd you buy my gift?

Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right Me: Coupon *wife faints*