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Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year?

About tennish.

How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

How long did you spend on your cosplay?

Me: Seven months A: *Hands me a badge marked "Casual"*

What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?

Fished but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms!

Sheet Jokes More Sheet Jokes

What's better than a violin on your bed?

A fiddle between the sheets

What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A handful of sheet.

Kleptomaniac Jokes More Kleptomaniac Jokes

What do you call someone who takes things literally?

A kleptomaniac!

Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns?

Because they always take things literally.

Bed Bath Jokes More Bed Bath Jokes

Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

Where'd you buy my gift?

Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right Me: Coupon *wife faints*