Kleptomaniac Jokes

Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things, literally.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What do you call someone who takes things literally?

A kleptomaniac!

What do you call a kleptomaniac who doesn't understand figurative speech?

Someone who takes everything literally

Why don't kleptomaniacs get jokes?

Because they take everything literally.

What do you call someone who takes everything literally?

A kleptomaniac!

Why can't you use sarcasm with a kleptomaniac?

Because they take things literally.

Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?

Because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)

Why can't you tell pun jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally

Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally

What did a kleptomaniac say on 90% sale?

It was an absolute steal!

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Why was the kleptomaniac frustrated by that joke "why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

He couldn't take a joke.

Why can't puns be explained to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally

Why can't you tell a pun to a kleptomaniac?

They take things literally.

Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns?

Because they always take things literally.

Why don't kleptomaniacs ever get puns?

The take everything, literally.

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand puns?

They always take things literally.

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Person Shoe Jokes More Person Shoe Jokes

What's the difference between an introverted mathematician and an extroverted mathematician?

The extrovert looks at the other person's shoes.

What does an empathetic kleptomaniac do in an argument?

He puts himself in the other person's shoes and then walks away.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell when an accountant is extroverted?

He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

What do hippies say when you tell them to get off your couch?

Namaste

Lip Jokes More Lip Jokes

What did the koala bear say to the barber?

You ca-lip this

How did the hipster burn their lips?

They ate the pizza before it was cool

Understand Jokes More Understand Jokes

Why Couldn't Anyone Understand The Mute Mathematician's?

They didn't speak sine language.

Why is a change machine easy to understand?

It makes cents.

Explain Jokes More Explain Jokes

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late?

Your spinning me a yarn here!

Argument Jokes More Argument Jokes

What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal Snowman

Why shouldnt you ever have an argument with Mbius?

Because theyre always so one sided!

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What's better than winning a gold medal in the quadriplegic (crippled) Olympics?

Walking.

Why did the turkey walk across the road twice?

He didn't want to be called chicken

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body?

Dumbbelldor.

Why did it take three burly Boy Scouts to help the old lady across the street?

Because she didn't want to go.