Kleptomaniac Jokes

Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things, literally.

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What do you call someone who takes things literally?

A kleptomaniac!

What do you call a kleptomaniac who doesn't understand figurative speech?

Someone who takes everything literally

How are an armless man at a buffet and a kleptomaniac the same?

They just can't help themselves.

Why don't kleptomaniacs get jokes?

Because they take everything literally.

What do you call someone who takes everything literally?

A kleptomaniac!

Why can't you use sarcasm with a kleptomaniac?

Because they take things literally.

Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?

Because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)

Why can't you tell pun jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally

Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally

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What did a kleptomaniac say on 90% sale?

It was an absolute steal!

Why did the kleptomaniac dislike the insultingly boisterous man with a cleft palate?

He couldn't take any more lip!

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.

Why was the kleptomaniac frustrated by that joke "why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

He couldn't take a joke.

Why can't puns be explained to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally

Why can't you tell a pun to a kleptomaniac?

They take things literally.

Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns?

Because they always take things literally.

Why don't kleptomaniacs have a sense of humor?

Because they take everything, literally....

Why don't kleptomaniacs ever get puns?

The take everything, literally.

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand puns?

They always take things literally.

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One of them makes sense!

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I feel so enlightninged!

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Aloha Snackbar

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They pig out.