Kleptomaniac Jokes

Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things, literally.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What do you call someone who takes things literally?

A kleptomaniac!

What do you call a kleptomaniac who doesn't understand figurative speech?

Someone who takes everything literally

Why don't kleptomaniacs get jokes?

Because they take everything literally.

What do you call someone who takes everything literally?

A kleptomaniac!

Why can't you use sarcasm with a kleptomaniac?

Because they take things literally.

Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?

Because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)

Why can't you tell pun jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally

Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally

What did a kleptomaniac say on 90% sale?

It was an absolute steal!

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.

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Why was the kleptomaniac frustrated by that joke "why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

He couldn't take a joke.

Why can't puns be explained to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally

Why can't you tell a pun to a kleptomaniac?

They take things literally.

Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns?

Because they always take things literally.

Why don't kleptomaniacs ever get puns?

The take everything, literally.

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand puns?

They always take things literally.

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Sheet Jokes More Sheet Jokes

What do you call a ghost at midnight?

A sheet in the dark!

What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?

Sheet

Explain Jokes More Explain Jokes

What was the other reindeer's name?

Olive.

What happens if you're late to extremophile school?

You get a tardy grade. (that explains the joke if you don't get it.)

Person Shoe Jokes More Person Shoe Jokes

What does an empathetic kleptomaniac do in an argument?

He puts himself in the other person's shoes and then walks away.

What's the difference between an introverted mathematician and an extroverted mathematician?

The extrovert looks at the other person's shoes.

Pun Jokes More Pun Jokes

What does a cow use to solve math problems?

A *cow*culater. I made it up myself, so don't groan at the pun.

Why was the kleptomaniac frustrated by that joke "why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

He couldn't take a joke.

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Who would steal an artificial leg?

Im stumped.

What did the man say after Michael Jackson stole his coat?

Hey that's mycoat Jackson!

Metaphor Jokes More Metaphor Jokes

What is a simile?

It's like a metaphor.

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.

Buffet Jokes More Buffet Jokes

What does Mr. T say when he walks into a buffet?

I pity the full!

What happened when the cannibal showed up to the buffet late?

They gave him the cold shoulder.

Understand Jokes More Understand Jokes

To understand what recursion is...

You must first understand what recursion is

What do you call a cross between... a Mafia Don and post-modernism?

An offer you can't understand.