What did a kleptomaniac say on 90% sale?

It was an absolute steal!

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Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand puns?

They always take things literally.

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How do you know when you're lonely?

When 90% of your search history is ASMR videos.

What do you call a bird born in the 90s?

A millennial falcon.