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What do you call a kleptomaniac who doesn't understand figurative speech?

Someone who takes everything literally

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How are your English lessons coming along?

Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me.

Why did the English teacher hire a midget geography nut as his lawyer?

He wanted someone who understood and case.

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Why can't you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things, literally.

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand puns?

They always take things literally.