Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

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Why are steak puns so rare?

Because they are never well done.

What do you call a herpes pun?

A play on warts

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What's the difference between Britain and Australia?

When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.

What do Jay Leno and Payton Manning have in common?

They both know when it's time to turn things over.

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What does a German say when you finally explain a funny meme to him?

Danke

Who laughs the last?

The one who you have to explain the joke to.