Why can't you tell pun jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally

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Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What's the first thing you know?

Old Jed's a millionaire.

How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy?

There's some things I've licked that I don't want.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if someone is schizophrenic?

I'll let my friend answer that one:

Why are you telling me this now?

Vader: Luke: Vader: I need a kidney.

Kleptomaniac Jokes More Kleptomaniac Jokes

Why did the kleptomaniac dislike the insultingly boisterous man with a cleft palate?

He couldn't take any more lip!

What do you call someone who takes everything literally?

A kleptomaniac!