How many sound technicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One....Two...One, Two...

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How many cynics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Doesn't matter. Lightbulb is going to die anyway.

How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four. One to change the bulb, three to stand around so he has someone to hi-five after.

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How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Irrelevant, you will be assimilated!

How many mitochondria does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they're the powerhouse of the cell.