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What did you do before you were married sir?

*with teary eyes* whatever the hell i wanted to do...

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How many friendzoned guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they'll just keep complimenting it and get mad when it doesn't want to screw.

What's the difference between and out-law and an in-law?

One's wanted.

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Why will we never know if Rick James was bald?

Rogaine is a hell of a drug.

What the hell do you want?

Him: Um, YOU called ME.