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What do you call a 16th-century seer who drinks straight out of the can?

No-straw-damus! (please be gentle on me as you berate me.)

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Why do you have to take more than one Baptist with you when you go fishing?

Because if you just take one, he'll drink all your beer.

Why is almond milk called almond milk?

Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice.