What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito?

ME-coli

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Why did the janitor file for a divorce?

He found his wife sweeping with someone else.

Why can't a blonde dial 911?

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven.

Bacteria Jokes More Bacteria Jokes

Where do bacteria go when they die?

St. Petri Dish.

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

He experiences culture shock.

Chipotle Jokes More Chipotle Jokes

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

What do you call a voucher for complimentary Chipotle?

Free coli