Bacteria Jokes

What do you call bacteria that can swim fast?

Micro Phelps.

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Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

He experiences culture shock.

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.

Why Can't you see the bacteria in milk?

Because it gets past-your-eyes (pasteurized)

Where do bacteria go when they die?

St. Petri Dish.

Where do bacteria like to vacation?

Germany

What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito?

ME-coli

Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide

Where do the bacteria gangsters hang out?

On the Yeast Side.

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Swim Jokes More Swim Jokes

What fish only swims at night?

A starfish!

What do French people do when vacationing in Laos?

They go swimming in Laotian

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

Why is Sigma good at sharing?

Because he only ever takes sum of the numbers!

What's the current number one song in Russia?

Crimea river

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What is Matthew McConaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

The girls get older, but he stays the same age" -first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic?

Because everything that stays there just ends up dying.

Vacation Jokes More Vacation Jokes

Why did the gynecologist take a vacation out of the country?

To study abroad.

Where do pots go on vacation?

JaPAN! From my 9 year old.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's difference between Jesse Owens and Adolf Hilter?

Owens can finish a race.

What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Jail Jokes More Jail Jokes

Why did the puppeteer get out of jail?

Because he "pulled a few strings"!

What's the best part about golf?

It's the only activity where you actually aim for the hole under 18 and you don't go to jail.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why are Astronauts seen as condescending?

Because all they do is look down at people.

What do museums and girls have in common?

It is always look but don't touch.

Exchange Jokes More Exchange Jokes

What attracted you to our company?

Well, I heard you pay money in exchange for work

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.