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Milk Jokes

How do you know if you are drowning in milk?

If it's pasturize

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What happens when you seduce a cow?

You get milk.

How did the cow feel when it couldn't produce milk?

Udderly useless.

What milk does a coward make?

Craven-dale

Why is Papyrus taller then Sans?

Because Papyrus drinks plenty of milk.

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

What is the most certain way to prevent milk from souring?

Keep it in the cow.

Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

Cause it doesn't want to be latte. Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

What country makes the most milk?

Nepal

Why do you give children who swallowed poison some milk?

To make them happy before they die.

Why did the milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder

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Why couldn't the infant insect without toes drink milk?

He was lack toes and toddler ant

How does Ice-Cube drink his milk?

Straight Outta Carton.

What do you call a man with no feet and is allergic to milk?

Lack-toes intolerant

Why does Karl Marx not take milk in his tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

What's the difference between slavery and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 150 years.

How does Darth Vader like his milk?

Warm

What's the difference between a cow and The Bible?

You can't milk a cow for 2,000 years.

What happened when the cow tried to milk itself?

It was an udder catastrophe.

What kind of milk do the wealthiest people in the world give to their children?

1%

How do you stop ISIS?

Leave some milk in the sun for a few days.

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What did the farmer say when he tried to milk the cow, but nothing came out?

Time to try the udder one.

What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk?

A milk dud.

What type of milk does Mitt Romney use with his cereal?

The one percent

What's the difference between a cow, and 9/11?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years.

What type of bees make milk?

Boo bees

What's the difference between a cow and September 11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

Why Can't you see the bacteria in milk?

Because it gets past-your-eyes (pasteurized)

What is the fastest thing in the world?

Milk. Because it's pasteurised before you see it.

What did the bottle of milk say to the Mexican?

Soy milk.

What do you call it when the only cow on your dairy farm won't produce milk?

Utter despair.

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What do you milk you can't see?

Pasteurized milk.

What's the difference between a bull and a cow?

A bull smiles when you milk it.

How did the farmer figure out how much milk he had?

He used cowculus!

What's the best way to milk a sheep?

Ask Apple.

What do you call a cow that gives no milk?

An udder failure.

What do you think I should buy, a cow or a bike?

You'd look pretty funny riding a cow...but you'd look much worst milking a bike

Why does beer go faster through you than milk?

Unlike milk it doesn't have to change color. Why does Budweiser go faster through you than beer? Unlike beer it doesn't have to change taste.

What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow?

You stop milking the cow after ten years.

Why is milk so fast?

Because it's pasteurized before you see it!

What did one dairy cow say to another?

Got milk

What's the hardest part of milking a mouse?

Getting it to fit over a bucket!

How do you know when it's okay to swim in a pool of milk?

When it's past your eyes.

What do you call an NBA Superstar who's first job was stocking milk?

Legen-dairy*

Why are cows always broke?

The farmers milk them dry.

What do you call milk at the edge of a cliff?

Legendary

What do a gallon of milk and the city of Carthage have in common?

Ideally you only have to sack them once, but we should probably sack them again for good measure.

What do you call a cow which can no longer produce milk?

An udder failure.

What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and milk?

Chocolate milk! What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and chocolate milk Diabetes

What do you get when you enter a cow into the Kentucky Derby?

Milk and Bookies.

When should you feed milk to a baby elephant?

When it's a baby elephant!

What did the potato ask the cow?

Give me some milk, and we can make mashed potatoes.

What's the hardest part about being a vegan?

Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.

What do you have when you have a cow and two ducks?

Milk and quackers.

What's the best way to keep milk from turning sour?

Leave it in the cow.

Why did the blonde keep a empty carton of milk in the fridge?

In case she wanted black coffee.

Why are men the best chefs?

Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.

What's the fastest liquid on earth?

Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.

What do you get from a bee that has an udder?

Milk and honey.

What's the difference between a cow and Super Mario Bros?

A cow can't be milked for over 30 years

Why do you take baths in milk?

I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.

What type of milk does Bernie Sanders drink?

Whole milk because he cares about all the milk and not just the top 1% milk!

Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?

Because the cow has the utter.

Why is milk the fastest liquid on the planet?

It's pasteurised before you can see it!

How do you milk sheep?

With iPhone accessories.

How do you know when you are going to drown in milk?

When it's past your eyes.

What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?

A milk dud!

What would you get if you crossed a cow with a rabbit?

Hare in your milk!

How do you milk a sheep?

With iPhone periph**e**rals.

How do you milk sheeps?

With Apple accessories.

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.

What is it called when a cow is unwillingly milked?

Moo**lestation

What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?

Udder chaos!

What did the man say when he walked into a milk bar?

Can I grab some milk *Bah dum tsss*

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

I say: why buy an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Who do women produce milk for?

The baby and the dad.

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?

The cow has the udder.

What did the milk say to the cheese?

Hey, you're old!

What happened to the Milkman?

He drank all the milk.... makes sense no logically, yes!

What do you call a cow that can't make milk?

An udder failure!

What has one horn and gives milk?

A A milk truck.

What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

What's the difference between a cow and 911?

You stop milking a cow after 14 years..

What do you call a dairy cow who doesn't produce any milk?

OC) An utter disappointment

What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

What is the difference between a goat and 9/11?

You cannot milk a goat for 13 years

What do you call a cow that stopped producing milk?

An udder failure.

What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

A cow that can milk itself!

What's the difference between Nine-Eleven and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years straight. Be gentle... it's my cake day

What aisle has the milk?

Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk "

What kind of milk does Mitt Romney drink?

1%

Where do Russians get their milk from?

From Moscow

What type of milk is Swiss cheese made of?

Whole milk.

What kind of scary bees can produce milk?

Boo bees

What do you call a tired cow?

Milked out!

What's the easiest way to condense milk?

Mlk

What's the difference between a cow and the crucifixion?

You can't milk a cow for 2000 years

Why are there commercials for milk?

Who still doesn't know about milk

What gives milk and has a horn?

A milk tank!

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What was the other reindeer's name?

Olive.

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None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw. Edit: a word

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What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

What's the difference between cows and bulls?

It takes longer to milk the bull.

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What is the difference between 1000 dead babies and a Ferrari?

I dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

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What did the man say when he walked into a milk bar?

Can I grab some milk *Bah dum tsss*

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

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What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?

A milk dud!

What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk?

A milk dud.

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Why is almond milk called almond milk?

Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice.

Why is it called almond milk?

Nut juice" wasnt very popular.

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What type of milk does Bernie Sanders drink?

Whole milk because he cares about all the milk and not just the top 1% milk!

What's the favorite dairy product of Wall Street executives?

1% milk

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Why do cows have bells?

Because there horns don't work

What do you call a fear of horned bovines?

Aurochnophobia.