What is the definition of masurbation?

Coming unscrewed

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What do North Korea and my girlfriend have in common?

Neither want me coming inside them.

What do you call a water fowl looking in a window?

Peking duck. (it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)

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What's the definition of irony?

An incongruity between expectation and result.

What is the definition of a goose?

An animal that grows down as it grows up!