What's a metaphor?

Winning the game tournament!

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Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

Which one of the ten men won the pun contest?

No pun in ten did!

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Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally

What is a simile?

It's like a metaphor.