Where do lobsters buy their work clothes?

Homardware.

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When you wife asked you to buy her car, why did you buy her a diamond instead?

Because I couldn't find a fake car.

Why did the mobster buy a planner?

So he could organize his crime

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How does a lobster answer the phone?

Shello

What was the score of the lobster soccer game?

Zero to zero. Lobsters can't kick soccer balls.