Lobster Jokes

Why do lobsters make bad lovers?

They're shellfish in bed.

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What do you call a lobster dressed up as Santa?

Santa Claws

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish.

What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning?

I'm not letting you cook dinner again

Why don't lobsters ever share anything?

Because they're shellfish

What's the difference between lobsters and crabs?

I don't lobsters!

What did the lobster do at the disco?

Pulled a muscle.

Why didn't crab and lobster like to share?

They were both two shellfish

What's worse than finding a lobster on your piano?

Finding crabs on your organ.

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Whats worse than having a lobster on yer piano?

Having crabs on yer organ!

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What's worse than a lobster on your piano?

Crabs on your organ.

Why don't lobsters share their dinner?

Because they're shellfish!!!

What was the score of the lobster soccer game?

Zero to zero. Lobsters can't kick soccer balls.

Why was the lobster arrested?

Because he was always pinching things.

Where do lobsters buy their work clothes?

Homardware.

What did the lobster say when he saw the mermaid?

Gotta lay off the sea-weed.

Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

How does a lobster answer the phone?

Shello

What the hell did you expect for ten dollars?

Lobster

What did you expect for $10?

Lobsters

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Piano Jokes More Piano Jokes

What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano?

Oh, you guessed it right... the tuna fish!

Why can't Thor play the piano or hide n seek with his brother?

He can never find the Loki.

Crustacean Jokes More Crustacean Jokes

What do you get if you steamroll a crab and a Korean at the same time?

A crustacean

What's a Londoner's favorite seafood?

King's Crustacean.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?

A hobby horse.

What do people who don't like the slippery slope argument call it?

The slippery slope fallacy

Steamroller Jokes More Steamroller Jokes

Why did the farmer run through his fields with a steamroller?

Because he wanted mashed potatoes!!!!

What do you call The Dynamic Duo after they got hit by a steamroller?

Flatman and Ribbon

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife?

Let's grow MOLD together!

Bus Jokes More Bus Jokes

What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head?

Dead.

What is it Johnny?

Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics " "No, why " "She's outside, under a bus"

Dinner Jokes More Dinner Jokes

Why are football players never asked for dinner?

Because they're always dribbling!

What does a vegetarian hunter say before dinner?

Lettuce prey

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

What's the difference between me and my new couch?

The couch pulls out...

Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?

Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.