Lobster Jokes

What do you call a lobster dressed up as Santa?

Santa Claws

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What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish.

What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning?

I'm not letting you cook dinner again.

Why don't lobsters ever share anything?

Because they're shellfish

What did the lobster do at the disco?

Pulled a muscle.

Why didn't crab and lobster like to share?

They were both two shellfish

What's worse than finding a lobster on your piano?

Finding crabs on your organ.

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Whats worse than having a lobster on yer piano?

Having crabs on yer organ!

What's worse than a lobster on your piano?

Crabs on your organ.

Why don't lobsters share their dinner?

Because they're shellfish!!!

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What was the score of the lobster soccer game?

Zero to zero. Lobsters can't kick soccer balls.

Why was the lobster arrested?

Because he was always pinching things.

Where do lobsters buy their work clothes?

Homardware.

Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

How does a lobster answer the phone?

Shello

What the hell did you expect for ten dollars?

Lobster

What did you expect for $10?

Lobsters

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Little Shellfish Jokes More Little Shellfish Jokes

Why did the little crab keep all the treasure for himself?

Because he was a little shellfish.

Why wouldn't the shrimp share his toys?

Because he is a little shellfish.

Bus Jokes More Bus Jokes

What is a bus?

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Where is children?

Latvian man respond "Children is dead from childbirth." Bus leave.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?

I'm not sure but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!

What do you call Batman when he runs out of church?

Christian bale

Sean Connery Jokes More Sean Connery Jokes

What time does Sean Connery show up to wimbledon?

Tennish

Why does Sean Connery hog all of the oysters at a seafood dinner?

Because it's shellfish.

Crush Jokes More Crush Jokes

What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?

Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes.

Why did the girl walk past her crush twice?

He didn't believe in love at first sight.

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do at night?

Lie in bed wondering "Is there really a dog?"

Which place has the strongest gravity in the whole universe?

Bed

Couple Jokes More Couple Jokes

How can a room full of couples be empty?

There isn't a single person left!

How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants?

Two dam bad! (OC!)

Crush Asian Jokes More Crush Asian Jokes

What's a let down Chinese lobster called?

A crushed Asian