Why don't lobsters ever share anything?

Because they're shellfish

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What did the lobster do at the disco?

Pulled a muscle.

What did you expect for $10?

Lobsters

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Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

What's the difference between the east-German and the west-German accent?

While the former is shared by most, the latter is richer.