Sean Connery Jokes

What is Sean Connery's favorite sport, and around what age did he start playing?

Tennish

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Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon?

Ten-ish.

How does Sean Connery shave?

Ctrl+esh

When did Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

When does Sean Connery usually arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish.

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish.

What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish

Where does Sean Connery sit?

In the toilet.

Why was Sean Connery accused of piracy while drinking tea?

He took a ship.

Why can't Sean Connery read November?

Because he hasn't Read October.

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What does Sean Connery do with his quiche?

He opensh hish doorsh with them.

What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year?

About tennish.

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon at?

Tennish.

What time does Sean Connery show up to wimbledon?

Tennish

What beer does Sean Connery drink?

Grols

What's Sean Connery's favorite sport and when does he play it?

Tennish

When does Sean Connery like to show up at Wimbeldon?

Tennish.

What happened when Sean Connery bought himself a little kitten?

The cat shat on the mat.

What does Sean Connery call a greedy oyster?

Shellfish.

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How does Sean Connery's dog bark?

Woofsh

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame

What time did Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Around Ten-ish.

What does Sean Connery surf on the Internet?

Reddish.

How does Sean Connery find his way to the toilet?

With a shat nav.

Where does Sean Connery put his beard clippings?

His shavings account.

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

What time does Sean Connery get to the US Open?

Ten-ish

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

Why isn't Sean Connery an unmarried roofer?

He's not a fan of the shingle life.

How does Sean Connery ask for Worchestershire sauce?

X-post from askreddit) Worsheshershershosh.

What time does Sean Connery leave to go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

Why does Sean Connery hog all of the oysters at a seafood dinner?

Because it's shellfish.

What is Sean Connery's favorite dish?

A seizure salad.

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

Shomething'sh Amish...

What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon?

Tenish.

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

How Does Sean Connery Wash His Dishes?

Like a Bosch!

What time does Sean Connery go to the US Open?

Tennish

What times does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

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Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

What do you call it if you were to second guess your decision to book time at a Native American community?

That's a reservation reservation reservation. (Credit to Brian Regan)

When did she die?

My guess would be sometime this morning.

Tea Jokes More Tea Jokes

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

Liberty

What kind of tea do wealthy people own?

Proper-Tea

Quiche Jokes More Quiche Jokes

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

What does Sean Connery do with his quiche?

He opensh hish doorsh with them.

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

What is a bed's least favourite time of year?

Spring break.

Ship Jokes More Ship Jokes

Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement?

So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore.

Why are marines who can't swim better?

They defend the ship with way more enthusiasm.

Age Jokes More Age Jokes

What do you call an aging chef with an unfaithful wife?

A cookold.

What just cracked?

A guide to aging.

Wimbledon Jokes More Wimbledon Jokes

What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year?

About tennish.

What times does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

Piracy Jokes More Piracy Jokes

Why was Sean Connery accused of piracy while drinking tea?

He took a ship.

Why did the hearing aid saleman give it up for a life of piracy?

Because he only made a good buccaneer.