Sean Connery Jokes

What is Sean Connery's favorite sport, and around what age did he start playing?

Tennish

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Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon?

Ten-ish.

How does Sean Connery shave?

Ctrl+esh

When did Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

When does Sean Connery usually arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish.

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish.

What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish

Where does Sean Connery sit?

In the toilet.

Why was Sean Connery accused of piracy while drinking tea?

He took a ship.

Why can't Sean Connery read November?

Because he hasn't Read October.

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What does Sean Connery do with his quiche?

He opensh hish doorsh with them.

What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year?

About tennish.

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon at?

Tennish.

What time does Sean Connery show up to wimbledon?

Tennish

What beer does Sean Connery drink?

Grols

What's Sean Connery's favorite sport and when does he play it?

Tennish

When does Sean Connery like to show up at Wimbeldon?

Tennish.

What happened when Sean Connery bought himself a little kitten?

The cat shat on the mat.

What does Sean Connery call a greedy oyster?

Shellfish.

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How does Sean Connery's dog bark?

Woofsh

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame

What time did Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Around Ten-ish.

What does Sean Connery surf on the Internet?

Reddish.

How does Sean Connery find his way to the toilet?

With a shat nav.

Where does Sean Connery put his beard clippings?

His shavings account.

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

What time does Sean Connery get to the US Open?

Ten-ish

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

Why isn't Sean Connery an unmarried roofer?

He's not a fan of the shingle life.

How does Sean Connery ask for Worchestershire sauce?

X-post from askreddit) Worsheshershershosh.

What time does Sean Connery leave to go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

Why does Sean Connery hog all of the oysters at a seafood dinner?

Because it's shellfish.

What is Sean Connery's favorite dish?

A seizure salad.

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

Shomething'sh Amish...

What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon?

Tenish.

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

How Does Sean Connery Wash His Dishes?

Like a Bosch!

What time does Sean Connery go to the US Open?

Tennish

What times does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

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What did the pirate pirate say on his 80th birthday?

I can't believe I'm still illegally downloading movies at this age!

What age were pigs discovered in?

The Saus Age.

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Why is revenge a dish best served cold?

Because it's just-ice

What kind of dish does LeBron like?

Anything with curry in it.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

Why did I stop reading M.C Escher books on the bus?

Because I always get weird stairs

What is the definition of a Freudian slip?

When you say one thing and mean a mother. Don't remember where I heard it. Haven't read it here yet.

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes

What's the difference between a gun and amnesia?

Oh shoot, I forgot...

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

Quiche Jokes More Quiche Jokes

What does Sean Connery do with his quiche?

He opensh hish doorsh with them.

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

Accuse Jokes More Accuse Jokes

What happened when Turkey was accused of being Chicken?

It staged a coup

Why was the driver fired from the destruction derby?

He was accused of wreckless driving.

Prepare Jokes More Prepare Jokes

Why does Michael Phelps refuse to aid his teammates in preparing for the Olympics?

He only Phelps himself.

How would you describe yourself?

Me: Verbally. But I've also prepared a dance.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Which rappers had a flow that could simultaneously speed up and slow down at the same time?

MC Escher

Why did the girl sit on her watch?

She wanted to be on time.