What happened when Sean Connery bought himself a little kitten?

The cat shat on the mat.

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What happened to the lost cattle?

Nobody's herd.

What happened did someone try to break into your house?

Me: No. My gf said we needed to talk

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What do you call a group of unorganized cats?

A CAT-ASTROPHE!

What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat?

A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!

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Where do hipsters buy their clothes?

Most likely a thrift store or Urban Outfitters, TBH.

Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?

I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.

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What does Sean Connery call a greedy oyster?

Shellfish.

How does Sean Connery's dog bark?

Woofsh